Thursday, March 10, 2011

UFC Hardwood style

No they are not putting a cage around Hardwood Ski and Bike. No there are not swarms of people hanging around to watch 2 men beat the shit out of one another. No it won't be on pay per view. That said there will and is a bunch of smack talk starting for the Pound, Pole and Pedal race coming up in just over a week. There is also some sure signs of weakness showing up and attempted to be hidden by forming some Survivor based alliance.

So what is this race? If you haven't checked Hardwood's site yet its a 5 km bike, 3 km snowshoe finished up by a 5 km ski. This is as close to a tri as I get and with the bay still frozen there is no chance of swimming, I'm good with that. As much as this isn't UFC 19537975 or what ever number they are on now, there is some good rivalry smack talk from the MNS crew on what will be a sub 2 hour event.

First off, Sir Watson, the superstar of the crew who is afraid to do the race solo. Why? because the UCI has now shortened up World Cup races to 90 minutes and there is a chance that this race could go beyond that and he will catastrophically blow up and bonk in the middle of the woods and then be eaten by a cougar.

Then comes my 24 hour tag team partner. Tristan. He can take the long abuse, he will be grumpy near the end but there is a problem. The biking may cause a little problem if there is any turns in it and the snowshoeing is nothing new but then comes the skiing side of things. Yes, this could be more dangerous to him than to any innocent bystanders. I've heard rumors of his ability and it's at the best description limited. This means that he will probably will rash out on the course, get tangled up in the poles and skis to a point that he's trapped leaving him easy prey for cougars.

Next up Brandon, a bit of a newbie to the MNS crew but plays with us from time to time. The easy answer here, he has been living in warm climates all winter. He hasn't seen snow in 3 months. This means he forgets what it looks like and how cold it really is north of the border. No major details needed here, he will start the race, he will get cold, he will freeze mid way, stop and be eaten by cougars.

So here is what has happened, with fear of death these three have decided to team up for the weak thing called a relay. Yes, one World Cup athlete, one 24 hour tag team winner, and one Ironman Triathlete are all taking the short option and dividing up the work load. HMMMM, I'll let you continue along with your thoughts on this one.

So some of the others. Well Deathmarch Liz will probably be racing and will probably destroy all of us, she skis faster than all of us, snowshoes faster than all of us and between those two will have more than enough cushion for what we may make up on the bike.

Her partner in daily life crime Jacob is in solo also. He has been laying a lot of smack talk down that forced him to do solo no matter what. What is to be his downfall. Some non uci legal snowshoes that he has been building during work hours. Simple answer is they will break 21 km in to the race, he will be forced to run in ski boots only which will slow him enough to be eaten by cougars.

As for me, I am not planning on being the fastest there, i will just ride my bike as quickly as possible, snowshoe on safe reliable MSR's that the UCI has approved and when it comes to the skiing side of it, well those hours out on the bay will be good for something. There will be others outside of the MNS group, there will be faster, there will be slower and there will be many that won't be soft and join a team because they need a hug. The cougars are hungry, feed the starving animals. On a side note, hopefully this will be the last day on both the skis and snowshoes, hopefully!!!!

This post is to try and guilt the teamsters into maning up, not hoping for a participant medal and take your chances with the cougars. I know there may be fear of being beaten by DML, we know it will probably happen but she will be in a different division. The men race against one another. I wish no evil on my friends, I hope that no wild animals will be injuried in the making of this race and that the MNS crew stays with the same amount of members.

1 comment:

Tristan Spurr said...
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